Pondering Contemplations of Introspection

What Is a Gift/Blessing?

2010-12-22T23:16:00.001-06:00

How do you define a blessing? Is a blessing always a positive feel-good event? I couldn’t possibly begin to imagine how you would answer those questions and I’m not completely sure that I know how I will answer them. On Tuesday morning (12/21/2010) at 4:38am my son was born into this world. What a miracle, what an opportunity to worship my God the Creator of all. As many of you have noted on facebook, twitter, text messages, or email, this baby boy is the best Christmas gift I could ask for or that his birth and health is an incredible blessing. I agree with both statements and appreciate them deeply, however because of some events in the past year of my life, I have been forced to think about gifts and blessings a little differently (see posts beginning April 3, 2010 until now for a broader context). I wonder what types of messages I would have received if Andy would not have been healthy? Would his lack of health been the opposite of a gift or a blessing? So, let’s think about what awesome gifts and what incredible blessings actually are.
Almost exactly 11 months ago my dad was brutally murdered, is that a blessing? Shortly thereafter my grandmother passed away. Not long after that my aunt lost her battle with cancer. Then just 9 days ago (my birthday) my grandfather’s body finally gave out and he died as well. Would you describe this past year that my family has endured a blessing? Well I guess that all depends on how you define a blessing. If you define a blessing as something that leads to immediate joy and happiness, then this year could not be defined as a blessing for me. However, if you defined a blessing as something that will lead to my greater dependence on God, my deeper devotion to God, and my long term character maturation, then these events can and should be called a blessing. I consider it a blessing that God would give me an ability to preach and share his word at 2 of these funerals. I consider it a blessing that I got to spend more time with my family than usual. Mostly, I have come to realize this year that most events can be reframed and redefined to more adequately reflect their true meaning.
I would not have been able to consider these losses as blessings last year. Even now, I still miss and deeply long to see them. I think about what they would have thought about my son. I wonder what they would say when they saw my little boy. But just because I miss them and wish they were still here, does not negate the blessing of their passing. And even though I tend to be completely egocentric thinking that everything that happens directly relates to me, I also realize that the death of my loved ones is ultimately a blessing for themselves. Each of them were believers in the person and work of Jesus Christ on their behalf so their sins would be forgiven and they received the free gift of eternal life. Ultimately their blessing was to give up their sin laiden and dying bodies for a perfect and completed one that will never struggle with sin, getting older, or any type of disease ever again. They are now seeing clearly our God and Creator of all and likely worshiping Him with a vigor like never before. What a blessing! Even though I miss them and at times wish they were here on earth with me, even I the selfish manipulator, couldn’t ask them to give up eternal glory and perfected bodies for their former earthly ones. That would be ludicrous and unthinkable, but it took me almost a year to realize that my desire to have them back was asking just that, to give up their perfected bodies and jump back into their lives of pain and suffering. What a blessing that not only my family members have received but one they have provided for me as well.
Nevertheless, your comments and notes are right; Andy’s birth is the greatest Christmas gift that I could imagine at this point of my earthly life. He is also the most incredible blessing I could think of at this point of my earthly life. But I hope that if Andy was not healthy that I could and would make the same exact statements. I guess I am learning that a blessing is something/someone given by God in order to bring about his eternal purposes, which include making his name great and my character more dependent on Him. What about you? Are there any events in your life that need to be reframed as blessings from God?

This is my prayer…
Father in Heaven, I praise your holy name for the many blessings that you have graced me with this year; the more difficult blessings and the easier more readily accepted ones. I beg that you would continue to develop me into a man that is able to raise Andy (your child) in a way that makes your name great and leads him to fear and worship you from an early age. I beg for your grace and mercy in the times where I fail and thank you for your guidance throughout the times I succeed. Amen

By the way... Andrew "Andy" Prentis Arnold was born on 12/21/2010 at 4:38am. He weighed 6 lbs 15.5 oz and measured 19 inches in length.

On Fathers Day...

2010-06-20T20:41:00.001-05:00

What a day it has been. Today is a day that I have been dreading for the last couple of months. Ever since my dad passed away, I knew that there would be holidays and anniversaries that would remind me of him and the fact that I can't visit or call. That reminder of separation is tough and at times can be gut-wrenching. So how would I manage to give God glory and praise Him today for the loss of my dad?
I guess the adoration began when I walked into church this morning and was wished a happy father's day. I guess I didn't even think about this being a day I could celebrate the gift of life as well the Lord's grace in loss. My heart perked up a little as I thought about the baby that is growing inside of Laurens tummy right now. About a month or so ago Lauren and I found out that we are going to have a baby (Little A for now). This past Friday when we went cor a check-up, we were able to see Little A celebrating life. During the sonogram the little thing would not quit moving long enough to get a good read on the heartbeat. As we watched, Little A seemed to be dancing as it's maker and creator continued weaving and forming its inward parts. Little A was waving its arms, spinning around, and doing back flips. It was a precious site. I just wonder what was causing this little baby to be so happy (might have been the gummy bears mom ate after lunch...just sayin). I wonder if Little A's excitement is a picture of what heaven is like (I know there are theological questions that could be raised here but I just wonder if Little A was celebrating his creator).
As I thought about how this was a first fathers day for me, I also recognized that this is a first fathers day for my dad. Today he is sitting before the throne of God almighty with a glorified body worshiping the same Lord that is forming and weaving my child together. What an incredible reminder. Although I miss my dad greatly, I cannot imagine taking his perfected and sinless body from him and having him come back to live in this world. Lord, I exalt and praise you for the work you are doing. For bringing my dad to glory and rescuing him from his sin laiden body, all the while forming me and Lauren's child. Thank you for the gift of life both physically and eternally.

FYI- for those of you who didn't know... Lauren and are going to have a baby. It's still early (11 weeks) so your prayers are appreciated!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Your Hands

2010-05-07T15:24:00.001-05:00

Lauren and I are on our way to the beach via a stop in Jackson, MS to see my family and are listening to JJ Heller. Her song "Your Hands" is a pretty awesome tune, especially after my last post. I encourage you to go to iTunes or some other music network and purchase it or better yet her whole Painted Red album. JJ Heller is pretty awesome! Here are the lyrics to her song "Your Hands".

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn’t there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That you would take my pain away
You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

When you walked upon the earth
You healed the broken, lost and hurt
I know you hate to see me cry
One day you will set all things right
Yeah, one day you will set all things right

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

Your hands that shaped the world
Are holding me
They hold me still

Peace... a new understanding

2010-05-06T19:25:00.003-05:00

Over the past few blog entries I’ve mentioned a concept that has been difficult for me to understand… peace. As noted in a couple of my entries I mentioned that I questioned whether or not I was a believer because I did not have peace. I was encouraged about a week after my dad was killed and before his body was found that I needed to show others that I had a “peace that surpasses understanding.” This would draw those unbelievers who were grieving to the cross. The encouragement was meant to push me to be a greater witness, but it ultimately had a different effect. I remember sitting at a table and feeling completely defeated and almost unable to breathe. I was trying to regulate my breathing while tear drops fell from my eyes. My wife and mother were holding me and praying for God to give me peace. I sat still through the prayer and immediately stood up and walked away. I felt like there was an extreme weight on my chest and I couldn’t take a deep breath. I met panic for the first time and it was ultimately because I didn’t have “peace.” I went into a bedroom weeping and tried to catch my breath. My mind raced with questions about peace… why didn’t I have peace, if Jesus has given me peace why can’t I feel it, why do my prayers seem to be unanswered, why is there not an absence of conflict in my mind. These questions, many others, and likely the influence of the evil one led me down a dark path of questioning my faith… was it real, was I part of the elect, or maybe I have never “really believed” or was not “chosen.” All the while it became harder and harder to breathe. What an impact a five letter word can have… P-E-A-C-E.
Now that I have had some time to reflect on the early stages of this trauma, my panic, and why I was not experiencing “the peace of God which surpasses all understanding” I have learned much about my own personal walk with the Lord and this concept called peace. When I try to define what I believed peace to be while I was questioning my faith I feel overly simplistic. I assumed having peace would have resulted in me being calm and not worried or anxious in any way. That’s what peace is right… the absence of conflict or problems? The Apostle Paul suggests we should “be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Phil 4:6-7). Does this verse mean that if I pray God will provide me with peace? Does it mean that if I pray then this worry about my dad will… poof, disappear? I can guarantee that I was begging and crying out to God to take this worry and anxiety away from me, so why was there no absence of worry… no absence of problems? Maybe it was because I was not trusting God enough in the situation. I wonder if I would have conjured up a little more trust if these thoughts, this hurt would vanish? I was actually told, on multiple occasions, that I needed to trust God more in this situation. It’s in God’s hands. Everything will be ok. My only problem with this advice (other than the fact that while I was hurting, I felt like people were belittling my walk with the Lord) was that I could not figure out how to trust God more. I believed that he was sovereign over the situation and that he ultimately was in control. I trusted that he would bring justice in his timing. I trusted that he would take care of my family and others who had been affected. I trusted that his glory would be made known through this awful tragedy. I felt like I completely trusted Him, so how could I trust him more? Would I be trusting him more if I quit crying, if I quit having nightmares and flashbacks, if I quit worrying about the well-being of my grandparents?
What I have come to realize is that “the peace of God which surpasses all understanding” is not the absence of problems or conflicts but the company of God in the conflicts. It is not just having a harmonious relationship with someone, but having a bond with the creator of the universe. Peace is not something that I can just conjure up at any moment, but something that God is… always. I have come to realize that peace is the presence of God in my life. It is not necessarily a feeling but a reality.
I am able to look back at the first couple of weeks of this trauma and realize worry and anxiety are reactions that God created in each of us. These reactions are good when we sense danger and need to get away from a situation or defend ourselves. I believe this anxiety response is: fight or flight. Our adrenaline increases and we have abnormal abilities to manage difficulty. I was in a situation for the first 72 hours or so that was dangerous. My body was in a crazy bind: leave my grandfather by himself or continue to stay at the crime scene to protect him. On one hand I needed to flee, but on the other I needed to protect. These juxtaposing needs caused confusion and panic. However, the reality is that the peace of God never left me. When I became so confused that I questioned my faith and quit “walking with the Lord” He walked and He carried me. That’s a peace which surpasses comprehension.

Authentic Prayer? Are There Times When It Is OK?

2010-04-29T00:36:00.006-05:00

I copied this prayer off of a friends blog because it made sense to me and wanted to share it with you. The blog i ripped this from is: http://mandyltay.blogspot.com/2009/08/authentic-prayer.html

Authentic Prayer
I found myself sometimes angry, often hurt, always broken—but the bottom line of my heart was this: Lord, where would I go if I turned away from You? If I didn’t have You, I would have nothing. I have nowhere to turn, so while I’m pounding Your chest with my hurt, pain, and anger, please know that I am still facing You, still leaning into the warmth of Your embrace, not sure I can trust You, but knowing You are all I have. If I left You, I would be completely aimless and lost. So while I feel devastated by what You have allowed to happen, I still cannot resist pressing into the comfort of Your strong arms. I am angry that I am not resisting You more. Because I know You could have stopped this thing from happening—but I have nowhere else to go…by Carol Kent

What do you think about a prayer like this? How would you respond to this seemingly angry, hurt, broken person? A person who seemingly would rather walk away from God if her options looked a little better. A person who is willing to lean into the chest of God and willingly admit that they are not sure they can trust Him, so they are angry they are not resisting God more. They believe that God is omnipotent and could have stopped this thing from happening but didn't.

What a conflict... I feel like i know exactly how this person feels. This terrible thing happened (likely trauma) and their mind is shaken up and poured out like a bunch of puzzle pieces. Now they have the task of trying to pick up the pieces and fit them back into their minds somehow. at first they are all mixed up and Satan even further mixes things up and deceives us even more. Their world-view will likely change as they begin seeing the world differently from this experience. See the person's confusion in the prayer ,who physically was lying on the chest of God, learning into the warmth of His embrace. This is an action that screams I trust this one I am embracing but wait a minute i am mad and i cannot trust someone who let this travesty happen. Thankfully, before the deception grew she recognized that she is right in the perfect and safest place ever, under the protection of her Father's arms.

I think i was praying similar prayers over the last couple of months. Mine were nuanced with different words but i was ultimately crying out to the Lord to give me the "peace that surpasses all understanding" but for some reason i didn't get it. As i was picking up my pieces i confusingly began panicking that if i had no peace then maybe i was no believer at all. Thankfully i had my incredible wife their with me to hold me and pray for me through those moments. As the process has moved on and i have talked with many trauma and grief victims and they all have a similar story. Many of them have given me a heads up for certain times and triggers and they were exactly right. I'm convinced that people progress through grief very differently and specific to their certain situation , however most of us tend to follow the same broad progression of challenges. I would encourage someone who might be a victim of trauma/grief to find a Christian Counselor who has some training in trauma/grief to begin walking through some of the struggles. It has been incredible for me to have wonderful counselors at school who are always available and also my primary counselor who has truly helped me to recognize that I'm not headed to the crazy house but simply passing through a phase of difficulty. This process is tough but this is my prayer, taken from "The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions."

Help me to be diffident, watchful, tender,

lest I offend my blessed Friend

in thought and behaviour;

I confide in thee and lean upon thee,

and need the at all times to assist and lead me.

O that all my distresses and apprehensions

might prove but Christ's school

to make me fit for greater service

by teaching me the great lesson of humility.

A Grief Observed/Compared

2010-04-23T13:02:00.000-05:00

Over the last couple of years in my counseling and psychological studies I have learned that grief often comes in waves after trauma/crisis. Since my father’s murder in January, I have found this to be true. I have had times of complete and utter distress (as seen in previous blog entries) and times of thanksgiving/hope. At times, the waves are like a calm day at the beach but more often than not, they have been colossal with deep swells and a powerful surge.

The last few days I have really wrestled with the process of grief and the great divide between those grieving and others. I feel like CS Lewis understands and explains much of how I feel in his book “A Grief Observed.” He testifies that the grief he is experiencing is similar to fear and at times he feels drunk or concussed. He suggests that it is like “there is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me” (pg. 3). I understand this type of out-of-body experience where I feel like life is happening around me but I am really not part of it. I also, at times, feel like no one can understand me nor the battle that ensues in my mind. People recognize when I am sad and when I am happy but can’t quite figure out that regardless of the emotion I am presenting my heart is aching. I agree with Lewis that the toughest part of this pain is that “I not only live each day in endless grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief” (pg. 10). I rationalize and try to anticipate the next dark moment. Even during the good times I am constantly thinking about when the next wave will hit me and how will I respond. Lewis, likewise, appeared to ride this roller coaster of emotions (or waves as suggested earlier). At times he thinks he is progressing and feels better while at others “all the hells of young grief have opened again” and he suffers much pain (pg. 56). Lewis suggests that, “Grief is like a bomber circling round and dropping its bombs each time the circle brings it overhead; physical pain is like the steady barrage on a trench in World War One, hours of it with no let-up for a moment. Thought is never static; pain is often” (pg. 41). Nevertheless, CS Lewis recognized the grief was a process. He illustratively explains that “grief is like a long valley, a winding valley where any bend may reveal a totally new landscape” (pg. 60).

It is nice to be in the company of a great man of God. He grieved the loss of his wife and even questioned God’s character yet he never failed to believe. His book “A Grief Observed” has helped to normalize the process and convince me that I am not crazy for being overwhelmed with grief.

Questions from a Concerned Brother

2010-04-15T22:33:00.001-05:00

Soon after my last blog I received a message from a concerned brother in Christ. As I read through the questions he sent, I realized that it is possible that many others might be wondering the same things. Below you will find his message and then my reply. Thanks for your concern!

The Message:
Hey man. I read your recent comments and was praying for you. I felt I needed to send this. I hope you read this coming from a brother in Christ in love and compassion. It truly is normal to grieve but it seems like this is consuming you and as I thought on this some questions came to my mind that I would want to ask myself if I was in your position. What about my dad's death bothers me so much? The violence of it? The pain he must have felt? If he had died of a heart attack would it be affecting me this much? if not why? Am I unsure of his salvation? If so am I angry with myself for not sharing the gospel more? Was my dad an idol to me? Did I put to much hope and trust in him? Why does my dad's death take me to the end of my rope? For what purpose might this be? I know this time must be hard. I can not imagine. There are times here where what we say we believe meets with a situation in which we must test that faith we confess. I hope and pray you will persevere and stay in the Word even when you don't feel like it so the gospel can wash over you daily. I know I probably did not say anything you do not know or have not heard but I hope in some way it has been an encourage. Grace and peace.

My Reply:
Thanks for reaching out. It's nice to have someone outside my regular circle of support willing to ask some tough questions. First, let me start by stating that my blog is intended to be a way for me to vent and begin expressing some of my thoughts and prayers. It has been a way for me to "breathe out" some of my mental madness. Second, to think about what troubles me so bad about my fathers death is difficult. I know that he was a believer because we talked often about his salvation. Also, if he would have died in a more civil fashion I feel sure that things wouldn't be quite as tough because I wouldn't be thinking about my dads blood that was spread all over his garage, back yard, and truck (also I'm not consumed with thoughts about my grandmother who died unexpectantly just 2 wks after my dad's body was found). I guess being at the crime scene and close to the investigation aided my imagination in recreating what might have happened. Not to mention his blood on my shoes and clothes that I wore for the first couple of days after he was murdered messed with my mind in the earliest stages of trauma and grief. I really do not know why I continue to struggle through this but I do trust that the sovereign Lord knows just where I am. I am even, at times, thankful to God for how he is growing me and forcing me to be completely dependent on Him. I wish the thoughts, day dreams, and nightmares would stop but for some reason they haven't. Is it because of sin or because God is preparing me for something yet future? I don't know but I continually cry out to the Lord confessing my weaknesses and an over dependence on myself. I ask that you would pray for my ability to spend quality time studying Scripture. It is a discipline I have prided myself in because it is something that I really enjoy and spend lots of time doing... Until now. My ability to comprehend or even to recognize words is overwhelming and likewise frustrating. I can't figure out why reading is all of a sudden so tough but it is. I carry note cards with me with verses on them as they are easier for me to ingest but I long for more. Nevertheless, I, like you, have been asking myself, my seminary and counseling professors, and the Lord all the same questions you posed but I simply haven't gotten many answers other than trauma and grief of this nature will take some time. I often feel like I'm going crazy but I am going to give myself a little grace right now. The past 2 1/2 months have been really difficult as I have lost my dad and grandmother, my aunt was placed in hospice care, and my grandfather has verbally disowned me for having him admitted to the hospital for psych testing. I have been forced through alot here lately and I will give myself a pass for a little while longer. Thanks again for your concern and I beg you for your prayers for me and my family. Our worlds have been turned upside down and we are trying to figure out how to organize all the pieces.

Another Layer of Grief

2010-04-14T14:58:00.001-05:00

My dad is gone… my dad is gone… my dad is gone. This is the thought that continues to run through my mind. At first, I dreamed about the brutality of his murder, then I dreamed about vengefully restoring justice by doing awful things to those I believed to be involved, and as of this morning, I had dreams of men who have been inspirations to me competing for the opportunity to take my father’s place. Although I see a pattern in the dreams themselves and the different stages of grief that I am facing they are nonetheless terrifying. I found myself crying this morning feeling as if I had to replace my dad. The fact is that my dad is irreplaceable. No one will ever be my dad. So what am I to do? How am I to replace or fill the void that my father once occupied? Is it even possible? Do I even want to?

My dad is gone… my dad is gone… my dad is gone. Regardless of the time of day, I continue rummaging over these thoughts. How or when will this stop? I continue to try to succeed in writing papers or reading textbooks but to no avail. The more I try to focus the less I can. Will I ever get back to a place where I can be successful in school, Bible study, etc. I feel so worthless and lazy but I cannot seem to get motivated, I cannot seem to divert my attention away from my dad is gone… my dad is gone... my dad is gone. I feel like waves are crashing right on my head today. I’ve manufactured times of laughing, smiles, and happiness, but overall I’ve spent too much time alone. Alone is dangerous for me… I am unable to control my thoughts. My counselors and friends continue to tell me that all this is normal but I am so damn tired of being normal. I am so tired of all of this junk just being ok. I want change!

My dad is gone… my dad is gone… my dad is gone. God I beg you to take this from me. I feel like I must move on but don’t know how. I keep trying to remember that just as the Lord was there to fight for and protect the Israelites from the Egyptians, he is fighting for me (Ex 14:14). I trust you are battling for me and I know that you are victorious, but I feel so alone. I recognize that I am like the Psalmist who suggests, “It is my grief, that the right hand of the Most High has changed” (Ps 77:10). The NET Bible notes, “The psalmist observes that his real problem is theological in nature. His experience suggests that the sovereign Lord has abandoned him and become inactive. However, this goes against the grain of his most cherished beliefs.” My experience has caused me to feel neglected and alone but my faith and beliefs remind me God will never leave nor forsake me (Dt 31:6, 8). So even though I know these things and recognize that there is a war between my experiences and beliefs, my troubles still persist. How can I trust God more? I know he is using these trials to mature and refine me, and I honestly want to grow, but I am tired and feel like I am at the end of my rope. Maybe that is just where God wants me. God help me to continue to rely on you. The war in my mind is real and I am desperate for you to take control.

A New Perspective of the Cross

2010-04-03T00:37:00.003-05:00

WARNING- CONTAINS GRAPHIC DETAILS OF MURDER

I have always been a thinker but I’m so tired of thinking. I keep waiting for the thoughts to break and my mind to slow down- to rest. But my wishes have not yet been granted. I know this is part of the process but the process is driving me mad. I can stomach and even psych myself into believing everything is better for periods but nothing that persists. It is so tiring and I cannot force the thoughts out of my mind. Whereas the nightmares have subsided the flashbacks are strong. It is baffling how many words, events, gestures, etc. remind me of this awful tragedy. This weekend, Easter, has become a difficult holiday for me this year. Not that this is the first Easter without my dad and grandmother but how eerily similar the crucifixion story is to my dad’s death.

Each time I think about the suffering of Jesus and his death on the cross I think of my dad. I guess the brutality of my dad’s murder has given me a new perspective of Jesus’ death. As I think about my savior willingly submitting to the lashes and malicious beatings before carrying his cross to Golgatha, I am driven to the pooled and splattered blood of my father. I cannot get past the scene as I first saw it- the pools of blood so thick that I could see it ripple as the wind blew and swirled it around, the splattered blood across the hood of the car and garage wall, the blood dripping down the fence were my dad’s last breathes were likely taken. I remember seeing my dad’s glasses crushed under my grandmother’s car which likely were a product of the first blow that my father received… a crowbar to the head. I can picture my dad laying there pouring blood onto the garage floor trying to manage another move. At some point he possibly tried running across the backyard to escape through the back gate. Midway he lost one of his shoes and was hemmed in by the perpetrators. Over the next period of time my father was beaten to death. Blood was everywhere. It covered a section of the fence and pools gathered in the grass so much so that they were unable to be completely absorbed by the ground. It was likely at this location where the murderers using the crowbar and cinderblocks literally beat my dad to death. As I think about this event I am sickened. My stomach knots up, I fight the urge to weep, I fight the urge to be angry, and I try to figure out how to trust God more sincerely. I wonder what Jesus’ family, friends, followers, and mere acquaintances were thinking as they watched the Romans beat out the very lifeblood of God incarnate.

I wonder about the trauma that his disciples or even Simon the Cyrene may have faced being part of this excruciatingly difficult time. I remember getting the phone call suggesting that “something” happened to my dad. My wife and I were in Wal-Mart trying to find the shortest check-out line. I answered my phone and as a result my life will never be the same. I panicked and began trying to get in touch with any law enforcement that could give me answers. It seemed that no one knew anything other than the fact that my dad was likely deceased. Lauren and I booked the first flight out of town and rushed to my grandparent’s home- the scene. Although the blood was still pooled and wet, I morphed into a caretaker role trying to protect my grandfather as opposed to dealing with my dad. I remember trying to jump over the puddle of blood to reach my granddad but being unable and leaving my footprints of my dad’s blood all the way to the back door. I tried to be the strong caretaker who could provide for and console my granddad. He was in such shock that he could only repeat phrases such as “your daddy is dead” or “my boy is gone forever.” At this time all we knew was that something brutal happened, some money was stolen, my grandad’s truck was missing, and so was my dad.

When I had the opportunity to walk back outside I was mortified by the footprints I had left as I trudged through my father’s blood. I looked at the puddles that were so thick I could almost see a reflection in the rippling sea of red. Soon thereafter, a clean-up crew began washing away the pools of blood and the splattered spots across the walls, car, and fence. I remember feeling like all I had of my father was being washed away. The spray of the water-hose diluted the blood-drenched concrete and washed away the only piece I had of my dad. I wonder if this is how Jesus’ followers felt as they watched their Savior’s blood cleaned out of the courtyard or mixed with the dust as he trudged up to the mount where he was going to be crucified.

Jesus was beaten so badly that he could not continue to carry his cross up to Golgotha. My dad was beaten so severely that the murderers actually put him in the passenger side of his father’s truck with his head on the floorboard and dumped him off the side of a dirt road about twenty miles from his home, then took the truck to another location and set it on fire.

Were Jesus met his death on a cross with a spear in his side, my dad had his final resting place about fifteen feet off a dirt road where he received two bullet holes in his back and two weeks for bugs, birds, and other scavengers to feast on his flesh. Whereas my dad’s body was not seen again for about two weeks, Jesus’ was seen again three days later and he was alive from the grave. So, even though this Easter weekend reminds me of the tragedy of my father’s murder it also provides me with the hope of his resurrection from the grave because of the work of Jesus on his behalf. “Oh death where is your victory, oh death where is your sting.” Death has been defeated and consequently my father is sitting face to face with his Savior and King. He is no longer hurting or struggling with his sin, he is alive in glory. Hallelujah!

Nevertheless, my struggle continues. My struggle has been multifaceted and continues to take new forms. I feel like the process thus far could be described as an onion as it seems to come in layers. First, I was the strong and tough caregiver helping to stabilize the rest of my family. Rather quickly, I fell from strong to weak as I questioned everything including my own faith. The questioning of my faith resulted from being “encouraged” that I needed to show others who do not know Christ the peace that he provides for believers. Well, unfortunately I did not feel a peace of any kind. Although I trusted that God was there and knew that he would ultimately receive glory through this tragedy, I could not even fake peace. I deducted that if I did not have a peace that surpasses understanding then maybe I was not a believer after all. This layer of skepticism and fear drove me to anxiety and panic attacks. The next layer was akin to being numb. I found out my dad was likely murdered but didn’t know where his body was, two weeks later we find his body, the day before my dad’s body was found I forced my granddad to undergo psychological testing which led to him cutting me out of his family, and two weeks after this my grandmother (dad’s mom) passed away. I got to a point where I could not feel anything. I was truly at the end of my rope and could not get sadder or even the slightest bit happy. The numb layer seems to have been the layer that made me feel the craziest. Next, was the layer of emotional vulnerability and escalation. I describe myself as hormonal and pregnant, I never know when I am going to cry, get angry, or elated. And all of these emotions are at escalated proportions. I am not sure what the next layer of the onion will feel like but I expect it to be tough.

Although this is the worst thing that I have ever faced, God has been teaching me quite a bit. Even though my level of motivation and my ability to concentrate are minimal, I know that God is with me and understands exactly where I am. Even though I have spent little time in his word and in prayer, I feel closer to him than ever before. His grace continues to be poured out as I recognize my dependence on him alone. God has definitely showed me that my sanctification is in his hands and I must completely count on his work to be completed in me. In the past, I have always “depended on God” in the sense that I trusted my God given talents and abilities to discern and make decisions, but for the first time I am unable to discern or even understand the decisions that I am faced with, and must depend on him to lead and direct my steps. Dependence on someone other than myself is scary but I have come to recognize that it is freeing and it allows me to rest in the grace of my Lord. God has allowed me to have a minute glimpse into what the death of Christ was like by being surrounded by these unfortunate occurrences. I praise him for a glimpse of the cross that I have never seen before.

Leading People with Grace

2007-04-16T11:27:00.000-05:00

If you guys get an opportunity check out Jared Verwiel's post, "Leading People With Grace."
It is Fantastic!

http://jaredverwiel.blogspot.com/2007/03/leading-people-with-grace.html

What are you thinking?

2007-03-22T16:29:00.001-05:00

What are you thinking?

I am constantly bombarded with thoughts. Sometimes good, sometimes bad, but nonetheless I am always thinking. What about you? What is the state of your mind? Do you think happy thoughts, sad thoughts, simply meaningless jibber-jabber? The truth of the matter is that we all think and we are always thinking. Maybe a few of us aren’t thinking to clearly, but thoughts are going through our heads.

Do you ever think about what you are thinking? Do that few a few moments………..
What is going on inside of your head?

I think that we as Christians need to be better at checking our thoughts. Especially due to the fact that our lives are shaped by what we think. The Bible, in Romans 12:2 and Ephesians 4:23, says that in order to change we must renew our minds, or simply change what we think about. Think about it, if you fighting a problem with alcohol abuse then going to a bar every night is only going to make it worse. If you have a problem with lewd and lustful desires, then watching movies that are full of sexual innuendos is not a good idea. The old adage is true, what we put into our minds will eventually come out.

The awesome thing is that the same is true for walking with the Lord. When we begin to fill our minds with the Word of God, guess what happens… it will come out! When we place ourselves in the midst of others walking with the Lord, we are encouraged to walk with the Lord as well. The battle for our minds is crucial! Satan and his adversaries are doing everything they can to control our minds and what we think about. Look at the way Satan is controlling the media that inundates our society. We are flooded with the ideas of sex, drugs, partying, etc. [Please don’t hear me saying that these things are bad. They are actually good in their proper context. (sex inside of marriage, drugs to heal illness, party to celebrate friendship, love, etc.)] However, these things outside of their context will destroy you.

Advertisements are geared to make us want a product, whether good or bad. The media of our day knows that what we think about will eventually come to fruition. Why do you think that McDonalds shows the best looking cheeseburger you have ever seen, or why does Victoria’s Secret only use the best built and best looking models. They are on a quest to get their product into your mind so that you will want it. This is not a new strategy. It has been going on since the beginning in the garden with Adam and Eve. The Serpent “helped” Eve to see (think) that the fruit was actually a good thing. It wasn’t a good thing before, but now all of a sudden it is. The serpent knew that if he could make her look at the fruit in a different light she would give in to the temptation. It is the same way today. Satan knows that if he can get our mind fixated on sinful things then we will give in to them and not grow in our relationship with the Lord. That is his strategy; he will deceive you in any way possible.

So what do we do? We MUST take control of our minds and decide what we think about. Paul tells the Corinthians that, “we demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Cor. 10:5)

Jesus told the Pharisees, when asked what is the greatest commandment, to “love the Lord your god with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” (Matt. 22:37; Mk. 12:30; Lk. 10:27) We must guard our minds from the world that we may love God with our minds as well as our heart and soul.

It is obvious that our minds and the thoughts that they think are very important. To experience true peace of mind we must win the battle for our minds!

The battle for our minds is a fierce one, who is winning your battle?

Who Are You Counting On?

2007-02-14T10:44:00.000-06:00

Have you ever been worried? Have you ever questioned yourself to death about what to do next? Have you ever tried to figure out God’s will for a situation without asking Him?

I think these are some of the things that have been ravaging my brain lately. What am I going to do if this happens… or if this happens, or that? It seems like every time I get into a difficult situation I begin squirming trying to help God figure out what needs to happen. Often times I completely forget to inquire from God about what He wants. I know this sounds so foolish, but it’s true. I think about and question myself to death working through every scenario of what might could possibly, maybe happen. Usually, if I would simply let God carry these burdens for me they would soon dissipate.

The Bible is full of examples of men and women trying to take matters into their own hands. These examples don’t seem to ever turn out good. Think about Abraham and Sarah. God promised He was going to give them offspring, when it didn’t happen on their time table they took matters into their own hands. Abraham sleeps with Hagar, Sarah’s servant, and has a son, but the not the son of the promise. Moses kills a man for beating a Hebrew. The Israelites made a golden calf because they got impatient. David sends Uriah the Hittite to the front lines of battle so he is not held accountable for his adultery with Bathsheba. Jonah got on a boat and headed to Tarshish away from the Lord. Judas sold out Jesus for some silver. Over and over again we see the same thing happen, men try to take matters into their own hands and fail… miserably.

With the Bible giving us so many examples, why can’t we see the light? Why can’t we learn from these men and women’s mistakes?

If you struggle with this, please understand that you are in good company. When you get a chance read Hebrews 11. This chapter is widely recognized as the Hall of Faith, acknowledging men and women who have been noted for their faithfulness to God. Almost every one of these people went through some tough situations where they tried to take matters into their own hands. After this time of learning they made some of the most faithful men and women ever.

My question to us all is this: are we going to become like these in the Hall of Faith? Are we going to learn from our mistakes and learn to trust God in all that happens? Are we going to let Him use our lives for something wonderful, as an example to a lost world, or are we simply going to live in doubt and fear?

I pray that we will begin to trust God in the big and the small, in the important and the menial. Will you trust God with the decisions that lie in your future? Will you go to God with your questions, worries, and burdens before you take matters into your own hands? Understand that we worship a God who will take care of us, who will meet our every need. He will never forget about us, nor will he ever leave us or forsake us. He loves us no matter what!

Six Minutes of Another Culture

2006-12-13T11:37:00.000-06:00

Here is a link to a video of my trip to myanmar. Enjoy!!

http://www.crashministry.org/Media.html

What in the World is God Doing?

2006-12-05T03:37:00.000-06:00

Have you ever wondered this? Have you ever seen a discouraging sight, or something that made you simply ask... what in the world is God doing?

Over the past eight days i have seen some sights that make me ask this question. I am not questioning God, i am inquiring... wondering so to speak. I have traveled through 4 different towns (Yangon, Taunggyi, Nyuang Shwe, and Kalaw), and over 10 villages and seen about 7 different people groups (Pa-o, Taungyo, Shan, Padaug, Chan, Bhama, and Danu) in the country of Myanmar. It has been an incredible adventure thus far. I have met some of the sweetest most humble people on earth. Almost everyone that we meet invites us to their home, they cook for us, make us tea, and serve us in any way possible. Mississippians have alot to learn if they are still to be thought of as the hospitality state. I have seen some of the most beautiful landscapes from lakes to mountains to farms to cities. It has truly been breathtaking.

All the while i ask myself what is God doing here? The country is controlled by Buddhists & Animists. Their lives are controlled by a merit based religion. (I have to do good things to gain anything in the afterlife [reincarnation] and hopefully reach enlightenmet). So people are nice, true, and giving to gain merit before God. The Gospel is moving in the country of Maynmar, however very slowly. It is illegal to sare your faith here. Since Christianity was here before the government was established it tolerates Christians, yet they will throw you in jail if you are found witnessing to anyone. This military run government is crooked and feared by all locals. So how will God reach His people here in Manmar? To be honest i have no idea. However, if you look at the life of the church and Christianity, it always grew and flourished when it was being persecuted and suppressed. I think this is because Christians during these times have to choose to follow Christ no matter what and their commitment to Him is impeccable. Hopefully this is the case for Myanmar. Hopefully Christians and missionaries here will choose to preach and follow Christ no matter what may happen to them.

I think we Americans have a lot to learn from this situation. We have to understand that our freedom should cause us to push the envelope and share Christ with everyone, instead of making us lazy and simply doing nothing to show our faith to men. I kind of wish that our church would come under more persecution to help us understand that following Christ is a lifestyle not a label. So what is God doing here in Myanmar?... Hopefully he is setting up an awakening like He has done many times before.

I hope that you will pray for Myanmar, it's missionaries, it's government.

I hope that you will pray for your church, that it would make its faith known to all men.

Pictures will bec oming soon.....

An Impact... What Are You Saying?

2006-11-06T11:59:00.000-06:00

How frustrating, aggrivating, and proposterous!

These are but a few adjectives that describe the way i feel when i see some facebook & myspace web pages. As a student pastor i frequent sites like facebook and myspace to stay in touch with students as well as my high shcool and college friends. What i have been finding has really concerned me. For instance, i think you can learn a lot about a person by simply looking at their interests. My favorite profiles look something like this:

Interests: ~!!GOD!!~ hanging out with friends, my youth group, kissing in the rain, partying, etc.

did you catch that? squiggly line !! God !! squiggly line. then my youth group. then these other things that make you just like the world. (disclaimer: i am not saying that kissing in the rain makes you a terrible person)

What about the groups that you join? I have students that put God as their number one interest then they join groups like: the beer drinking committee, I love to be Jagermeistered, I Love Jack Daniels, not to mention all the groups that are nothing but profanity and encourage hooking up.

Please don't get me wrong, and do not think that i am judging you for what you want to be a part of.

i guess i simply want you to think about what your profile is saying about God? What is it saying about Christians? What is it saying about you as an individual?

I beg some of you to think more highly of yourself! Some of you guys appear to be immature alcoholics who don't have a vocabulary larger than four letters. And some of you girls appear to be real sleazy. The focus of your page deals with superficial relationships & hooking up.

If you had to define a Christian by your page or profile, what would your definition be?

You see the fact is that you are making an impact. What are you impacting? This world for Christ or something else. I encourage you to take a look at your individual page and get a real picture of who you are as a person. Find out what your priorities are. You may even notice that you don't worship your creator, but what everyone else thinks.

I pray that you would understand who you are in Jesus Christ... complete, lacking nothing. I pray that you would quit trying to be something so others will think you are hip, or so you will fit in.

You were put on this earth for one reason... to bring glory to the son of God and make Him known! Are you fulfilling your purpose?

Trick or treat... happy halloween... boo!

2006-11-01T15:39:00.000-06:00

Trick or treat... happy halloween... boo!

Just a couple of phrases that i heard more than 20 times yesterday. What do these phrases mean anyway? Why do we use them? With all the witches, ghosts, and goblins running around should we, Christians, be invovled in this madness? What do you think about a Christian dressing up and playing the part of an evil spirit, a pagan, or even satan himself? Is it ok! I am not talking about dressing up as the pink power ranger or spiderman... the cowboy, football player or cheerleader. Just those costumes which represent themes contrary to the Christian life. Should we simply turn our heads one night a year? (Even though it is probably the only night that the majority of people will dress up)

Apparently, the origins of Halloween can be traced back to ancient Ireland and Scotland around the time of Christ. On Oct. 31st, the Celts celebrated the end of summer. This was important because it was when animal herders would move their animals into barns and pens and prepare to ride out the winter. This was also the time of the crop harvests. This annual change of season and lifestyle was marked by a festival called Samhain- pronounced 'sow-ane' and means 'end of summer.' Sow rhythms with cow.

There was much superstition associated with this time of change including the belief in fairies, and that the spirits of the dead wandered around looking for bodies to inhabit. Since the living did not want to be possessed by spirits, they dressed up in costumes and paraded around the streets making loud noises to confuse and frighten the spirits away. In addition, the new year began for the Celts on Nov. 1. So, the day of Samhain was believed to be a day that was in neither the year past or the year to come. Since it was in between, chaos ruled on that day.

Later, around the 5th century, as the Catholic Church developed and moved into the area, instead of adding a new day to celebrate, it took over the Samhain celebration. Nov. 1st became "All Hallows Eve" where all the saints of the Catholic church were honored. A later custom developed where people would go door-to-door on Nov. 2, requesting small cakes in exchange for the promise of saying prayers for some of the dead relatives of each house. This arose out of the religious belief that the dead were in a state of limbo before they went to heaven or hell and that the prayers of the living could influence the outcome. This may have been the precursor to Trick-or Treat.

The Jack-0-Lantern apparently comes from Irish folklore about a man named Jack who tricked the devil into climbing a tree. Once the devil was in the tree, Jack carved a cross on the trunk, preventing the devil from coming down. The devil then made a deal with Jack to not allow Jack into hell after Jack died if only Jack would remove the cross from the tree. After Jack died, he couldn't go to hell, and he couldn't go to heaven. He was forced to wander around the earth with a single candle to light his way. The candle was placed in a turnip to keep it burning longer. When the Irish came to America in the 1800's, they adopted the pumpkin instead of the turnip. Along with these traditions, they brought the idea that the black cat was considered by some to be reincarnated spirits who had prophetic abilities.

So, it appears that the origins of Halloween are a mixture of old Celtic pagan rituals superstition and early Catholic traditions.

What does the Bible say about Halloween?

What does the Bible say about Halloween? Nothing. But it does speak concerning witches, the occult, and paganism.

Exodus 22:18, You shall not let a witch live.
Deut. 18:10-12, "Let no one be found among you who sacrifices his son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination or sorcery, interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, 11 or casts spells, or who is a medium or spiritist or who consults the dead. 12 Anyone who does these things is detestable to the LORD…"

The Bible definitely speaks negatively about occultic practices, spirits, and witches and condemns not only the practice but also the people who are involved in it. As Christians, we are to have nothing to do with the occult. Tarot Cards, contacting the dead, séances, lucky charms, etc., are all unbiblical and can harm a Christian's fellowship with God and open the Christian to demonic oppression. Most Christians know this and avoid these activities. But, the question still remains. Since there are ancient pagan connections and present occultic connections, what is the Christian to do?

Can the Christian celebrate Halloween?

The answer is simple: Yes and No. Let’s look at the negative first.

The Christian is not to be involved with or support the occult, witchcraft, demonism, or any other thing that uplifts the occult. To do so is to contradict God’s word, dabble in demonic spirits, and invite judgment from God. If a Halloween celebration is centered on demons, devils, spirits, etc., I would say don't have anything to do with it.

On the other hand, it isn't wrong to dress up in a costume and go door-to-door saying 'Trick or Treat." Provided that the costume isn't demonic, I can't see anything wrong with this. It's just fun for the kids.

Take a look at the Christmas tree. It was originally an ancient fertility symbol. Yet, it has become a representation of Christmas and the place where gifts are placed. The same is ture of the easter bunny. We get the word "easter" from a Babylonain fertility goddess 'Ishtar'. Are the Christians, then, paying homage to an ancient pagan fertility gods? No. Not at all.

They do not consider it pagan at all and are simply joining in on a cultural event and giving no honor to anything unbiblical.

In the Bible in 1 Cor. 10:23-33, Paul speaks about meat sacrificed to idols. This meat was often sold in the meat market and the question arose, "Should a Christian each such meat?"

Paul said in verse 25, "Eat anything that is sold in the meat market, without asking questions for conscience' sake." This is most interesting. He says it is okay to eat the meat bought in the market place even though that meat may have been sacrificed to idols.

Then in verses 28-29 he says, "But if anyone should say to you, 'This is meat sacrificed to idols,' do not eat it, for the sake of the one who informed you, and for conscience' sake; 29 I mean not your own conscience, but the other man's; for why is my freedom judged by another's conscience?" (NASB). Paul is saying that if you find out the meat was sacrificed to idols, don't eat it -- not because of you, but because of the other person. In other words, eating that meat won't affect you. But, it may affect the attitude of another who does not understand the freedom the Christian has in Christ.

Is it any different with Halloween (or Christmas, Easter)? No. Even though Halloween has pagan origins, because of your freedom in Christ, you and/or you kids can dress up in costumes and go door-to-door and just have fun. However, if you are not comfortable with doing this, then you should not. If you know of a person who would be stumbled by doing it, then you shouldn't either.

Will the real Ruth's Please Stand Up!!

2006-10-11T16:08:00.000-05:00

With the title "Will the Ruth's Please Stand Up!!" I hope to invoke a sense of wonder and curiosity. As I have been studying and preparing for a new series on friendships I have been challenged and convicted that everyone needs a Ruth or two in their life. Through this series, Authentic Relationships: Being a Real Friend, I will be teaching that several different elements should be true of a real friend: Service (Luke 5.17-26), Loyalty (Ruth 1.1-18), Trust (Matt. 1.18-25), Forgiveness (Luke 15.11-32; Gen. 33.1-11), and Love (John 15.9-17; 1 Sam 18.1-9). Obviously these are not the only aspects that need to be true of authentic relationships, but a good start. This week we will be studying Ruth's loyalty to Naomi. I have been overwhelmed by Ruth's devotion to Naomi, and I have just now realized that every aspect of friendships that I will be teaching on can be summed up in Ruth's relationship to her mother-in-law.

Ruth 1.1-18

Now it came about in the days when the judges governed, that there was a famine in the land. And a certain man of Bethlehem in Judah went to sojourn in the land of Moab with his wife and his two sons. The name of the man was Elimelech, and the name of his wife, Naomi; and the names of his two sons were Mahlon and Chilion, Ephrathites of Bethlehem in Judah. Now they entered the land of Moab and remained there. Then Elimelech, Naomi's husband, died; and she was left with her two sons. They took for themselves Moabite women as wives; the name of the one was Orpah and the name of the other Ruth. And they lived there about ten years. Then both Mahlon and Chilion also died, and the woman was bereft of her two children and her husband. Then she arose with her daughters-in-law that she might return from the land of Moab, for she had heard in the land of Moab that the LORD had visited His people in giving them food. So she departed from the place where she was, and her two daughters-in-law with her; and they went on the way to return to the land of Judah. And Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, "Go, return each of you to her mother's house. May the LORD deal kindly with you as you have dealt with the dead and with me. May the LORD grant that you may find rest, each in the house of her husband." Then she kissed them, and they lifted up their voices and wept. And they said to her, "No, but we will surely return with you to your people." But Naomi said, "Return, my daughters. Why should you go with me? Have I yet sons in my womb, that they may be your husbands? Return, my daughters! Go, for I am too old to have a husband. If I said I have hope, if I should even have a husband tonight and also bear sons, would you therefore wait until they were grown? Would you therefore refrain from marrying? No, my daughters; for it is harder for me than for you, for the hand of the LORD has gone forth against me." And they lifted up their voices and wept again; and Orpah kissed her mother-in-law, but Ruth clung to her. Then she said, "Behold, your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and her gods; return after your sister-in-law." But Ruth said, "Do not urge me to leave you or turn back from following you; for where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. Thus may the LORD do to me, and worse, if anything but death parts you and me." When she saw that she was determined to go with her, she said no more to her.

Loyalty, i think that would be an understatement when talking about Ruth's dealing with Naomi. For the purpose of this blog I simply want to contrast two people, and ask you the question which of these individuals represent you. I think this is a valid question, because we can only expect friends as wonderful as we are willing to be.

Look at the two daughter-in-law's, Orpah and Ruth. We don't know anything about them except that they were moabite women who married Naomi's sons. However, we see quite a contrast in the way that they deal with Naomi.

Naomi tells both of the women, "Go, return each of you to her mother's house. May the LORD deal kindly with you as you have dealt with the dead and with me. May the LORD grant that you may find rest, each in the house of her husband. Then she kissed them, and they lifted up their voices and wept."

In a time where women had relatively no importance and could not easily take care of themselves, marriage was very important for them. They needed a husband to provide for them. Naomi is giving these women exactly what the "world" would say is great. They of course, being cordial and polite, refuse and say, "No, but we will surely return with you to your people."

Isn't that what we would do? Wouldn't we offer to go out of our way? Most of us would. Though we would expect the person to respond in the same way as Naomi does:

"Return, my daughters. Why should you go with me? Have I yet sons in my womb,
that they may be your husbands? Return, my daughters! Go, for I am too old to
have a husband. If I said I have hope, if I should even have a husband tonight
and also bear sons, would you therefore wait until they were grown? Would you
therefore refrain from marrying? No, my daughters; for it is harder for me than
for you, for the hand of the LORD has gone forth against me."

This is where we find a contrast between Orpah and Ruth. They have two completely different responses. Orpah says ok ill go, and Ruth responds by clinging to Ruth.

What a picture of what we need in a friendship. One that will stick by us no matter what the circumstances, no matter what it costs, no matter what we get out of it. We need a friend that will be there, not one who is simply polite and acts like they care. We need friends who follow through!!

That is exactly what Ruth is, a friend who commits. One you can count on.
But what about Orpah? Is she really that terrible of a person? Honestly, i don't think that she is. She is polite, but her intrests seem more to be inwardly focused than Ruth's. Orpah returned to HER gods and HER people. Whereas, Ruth replies: "Do not urge me to leave YOU or turn back from following YOU; for where YOU go, I will go, and where YOU lodge, I will lodge. YOUR people shall be my people, and YOUR God, my God. Where YOU die, I will die, and there I will be buried. Thus may the LORD do to me, and worse, if anything but death parts YOU and me."

Do you notice the difference... Can you see how Orpah and Ruth's responses differ? Where Orpah was going to do HER stuff, Ruth was giving everything for Naomi. Notice how often that Ruth says you or your... that is a true example of selflessness. She is not focused on herself at all!!

What about you? Who are you like... Orpah or Ruth?

Are you polite just to be polite or are you willing to forfeit everything for your friends?

I think it would be incredible if we could find and become the Ruth’s that we so desperately need.

When the writer of Ecclesiates was trying to find whether there is any meaning in life one of the only answers he could find was, companionship. He wrote,

"Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if
either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who
falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down
together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart." (Ec. 4.9-12)

The writer of Ecclesiastes saw a need for true friends. Ruth met that need for Naomi.
Will you meet that need for your friends? Will you be a Ruth in this selfish world?

So I ask, "Will the real Ruth's Please Stand Up!!"

Better Days

2006-10-03T13:01:00.000-05:00

My mind, rummaging through many different topics, fixated itself on one specific question this morning... "Why are some days better than others?"
I can come up with all sorts of reasons but not many that suffice. But what exactly does it mean to have a better day anyways? During football season I hope that MSU has better days ahead, and thinking about the Middle East, I pray for better days (sooner than later). But what exactly does it mean to have a better day? What makes one day better that another?

Oddly, my day has been exuberant thus far! I have gotten so much done! But when does completing tasks make one day better than another? Oh, and the phone... it has been minimal... and my appointments... they have been a breeze. Again why do my circumstances govern whether or not one day is better than another? But that's how it is...my circumstances determine my feelings and emotions. If I have had a hard day at work, I will probably be grumpy. However, if my circumstances change so do my feelings.

I truly don't think I am alone here, but I do think this style of living is completely contrary to God's Word. I believe we should be content in whatever circumstances we face. We are to be joyful in prosperity, and joyful in suffering. Paul and James give us good reason to be joyful when we suffer, because our character is being developed (Romans 5:3-5; James 1:3-4). Not only is our character being developed but we are also sharing or fellowshipping in Christ's sufferings(Philippians 3:10). In Philippians 4:11b-12 Paul expresses his ability, "to be content in whatever circumstances". He explains, "I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.

I think that the writer of Hebrews had a good grasp of how to be content when he encouraged us to, "lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith." (Hebrews 12:1-2a)

I think that's it. I must train my mind to see trials as good rather than bad, i must fix my eyes on Jesus and interpret this world through a biblical lens. I have to understand that the "world" has indoctrinated me with ideas contrary to God's Word. Like, suffering is bad, being first is best, and my needs are more important than others. I must become smaller as my Jesus becomes larger, in my mind and in my actions.

I am coming to realize that my "bad days" are when I am focused on the circumstances of my day as opposed to the God who created my day. It is always a "better day" when Christ is my focus!

Salvation Explained

2006-09-21T13:19:00.000-05:00

Check out this blog for an excellent review of the three phases of salvation (Justification, Sanctification, & Glorification).

This link is to a campuis ministry at Mississippi State University called Phase II. In the blog they explain where their name came from.

Unveling Christianity... (part 2)

2006-09-18T11:57:00.000-05:00

Is Change Inevitable?

Without change we would not be where we are now. The early church would have never made it, the many councils would have never been necessary, the reformation would be non-existent, and we would probably not have heard the Gospel. I am not trying to diminish God of His sovereignty, I am simply trying to make us think about the facts at hand. Change is inevitable. Rob Bell in his book Velvet Elvis wrote:

Times change. God doesn't, but times do. We learn and grow, and the world around us shifts, and the Christian Faith is alive only when it is listening, morphing, innovating, letting go of whatever has gotten in the way of Jesus and embracing whatever will help us to be more and more the people that God wants us to be.

There are endless examples of this ongoing process, so I’ll describe just one. Around 500 years ago, a man named Martin Luther raised a whole series of questions about the painting the church was presenting to the world. He insisted that God's grace could not be purchased with money or good deeds. He wanted everyone to have their own copy of the Bible in a language that they could read. He argued that everyone had a divine calling on their lives to serve God, not just priests who had jobs in churches. This concept was revolutionary for the world at that time. He was articulating earth-shattering ideas for his listeners. And they heard him. And something big, something historic, happened. Things changed. Thousands of people connected with God in ways they hadn't before.

But that wasn't the end of it. Luther was taking his place in a long line of people who never stopped rethinking and repainting the faith. Shedding unnecessary layers and at the same time rediscovering essentials that had been lost. Luther's work was part of what came to be known as the Reformation. Because of this movement, the churches he was speaking against went through their own process of rethinking and repainting, making significant changes as a result.

And this process hasn't stopped.

It Can't.

In fact, Luther's contemporaries used a very specific word for this endless, absolutely necessary process of change and growth. They didn't use the word reformed; they used the word reforming. This distinction in crucial. They knew that they and others hadn't gotten it perfect forever. They knew that the things they said and did and wrote and decided would need to be revisited. Rethought. Reworked.

I think we live in a time where many churches are changing with the times. Some are changing to line up with the Biblical standard while others are changing to allow unbiblical teachings.

It is critical that our change is based solely on Scripture, not because we don't like something or want to make our faith politically correct. We must stay faithful to our creator, sustainer, redeemer and friend. Change is a good thing when we are realigning with God's word.

Unveiling Christianity...(part 1)

2006-09-18T09:28:00.001-05:00

Is Christianity changing?

The past few years I have noticed that Christian media has changed. The best sellers of the past are not affecting the market quite as much as they did before. Why is this? I believe that as demographics and cultures change so does our media(I know this is a profound statement). Why are songs and books that deal with being authentic becoming so popular. Are Christians getting tired of faking their way through church, and acting as if they have it all together. Is there a profound change taking place in Christianity today?
Think about Christian artists, such as: Todd Agnew, Casting Crowns, Derek Webb, etc. All of these artists have at least one thing in common, they magnify the fact that most Christians are just going through the motions, settling for mediocrity. Todd Agnew's My Jesus confronts the issue that if we are imitating Christ then we would not look like the world. Casting Crown's Stained Glass Masquerade speaks about the fact that we are all hiding behind smiles and raised hands. Derek Webb's I Repent, Wedding Dress, T-Shits, etc. all address the notion that we act just like the world, when we are called to be and should be different.
The past couple of books that I have read deal with these same issues: Blue Like Jazz, The Importance of Being Foolish, and Velvet Elvis. Why is there such a draw to write and produce songs and books of this nature?

Maybe it is because they are saying what we are feeling. What do you think?

Do You Ever Wonder?

2006-09-13T17:36:00.000-05:00

Do you ever wonder? Good gracious, I am always thinking or wondering about what if this or what if that. I even lie in bed at night and keep myself awake wondering about any and everything.

While at work today I have been studying and thinking about the lesson that I am going to teach my students tonight and my mind has been fluttered with all sorts of thoughts. I have had so much trouble staying focused and on task. I have read Romans 14-15 about 20 times and I feel like ... blah.(By the way I am teaching through Romans)

So I tried something that I have read about and even practiced before... I let the words of my mamaw sink in.... "Justin, BE STILL....just BE STILL a minute" which is exactly what I needed to do. My grandmother is a wonderful woman of God that seems to be known for telling and advising others to BE STILL. I feel certain that she is quoting part of Psalm 46:10 and if so that makes BE STILL that much more powerful. Psalm 46:10 is a verse that explodes with the source of peace, or the absence of conflict, war, or anything that keeps us from being still.
Following the command to be still is the most incredible statement... and know that I am God (and not only that) but know that I am exalted among the nations.

God is our peace! He is sovereign, and can and will protect us from any battle. Whether a battle in our mind, with our flesh, or even against others. God protected his chosen Israel, and He protects you and I as well.

My prayer is that this truth will truly set me from from the bondage that I give myself to... a restless mind. I pray that I will BE STILL, resting in the fact that I serve a God that can take care of me and will see me through to completion.(Phil. 1:6)

What Does the World Need?

2006-09-13T13:54:00.000-05:00

Monday while being bombarded with all the 9/11 news, comments and opinions i found myself thinking about the needs of our world and what ways God wanted to use me in meeting these needs. I was flooded with emotions as the book of Acts began playing in my mind. I remembered Jesus' last words right before he ascended into the clouds. I thought about the disciples being so unified in prayer and the day of Pentecost when men heard these Galilean Apostles speaking in every language known. The sermon of the less than distinguished Peter and the 3000 that were added to their number. I thought of the early church described in Acts 2.42-47 being the greatest example of what Paul would command the Philippians to in Phil. 2.5, when he exhorts them to have the mind(attitude) of Christ. What an awesome picture, believers considering one another as more important than themselves. What a challenge for us! While thinking of the church being sold out to Christ, i thought about the miraculous healings and the preaching of Peter and John that led to thousands more believing in Christ, not to mention their arrest and persecution. (The Jewish religious leaders ordered Peter and John not to speak of Jesus anymore, yet Peter and John never gave in. Instead they went to their fellowship and reported everything that happened to them. Immediately they began PRAYING... what a novel thing to do.)

{This is where God really began speaking to me}

Acts 4.24-31 is the account of Peter and John praying with their fellowship. What is contained in these verses could quite possibly be what we as believers should be praying. These follower's of The Way (not yet called Christians...see Acts 11.26) remembered the evil and the opposition that they were up against and instead of praying for safety, ease, and protection they prayed, "And now, Lord, consider their threats, and grant that Your slaves may speak Your message with COMPLETE BOLDNESS." And that is exactly what God did, he granted them boldness to speak and live the message of Christ (see Acts 4.32-37 for example).

I think this is what we Christians should be doing... praying for boldness to speak of Christ in every situation. Not hindered by the stereotype that might be placed on us, or the rumors that may ensue. Would we become the example that Paul sets forth in Phil. 2.5-11? Would we begin whole heartedly praying pleaing for the boldness to renew our minds and force our bodies into submission that we would speak and live out the life of Christ daily. (cf.- Acts 4.29; Rom. 12.1-2; 1 Cor. 9.24-27)

I wonder what kind of impact a bold, courageous Christian could have on the world today? Not simply saying the right words but living them as well. I think this is what Paul exhorts believers to in Rom. 12.1 when he urges, "Therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, i urge you to present your bodies (all of you, not just words and not just actions, but all) as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; this is your spiritual act of worship."In essence Paul is saying "Therefore", because of everything God has done for us: a.k.a.- gave us His son(John 3.16), provided propitiation (payment) (Rom. 3.25), freed us from sin(Rom. 6.15-18), law (Rom. 8.1-4), death (Rom. 6.5), etc., and has given us assurance and security (Rom ch. 8). Because of these things and so much more that God has done for us it is only fitting that we would in return give up our selfish desires and offer our lives to God. Meaning that we are giving God everything we have, our mind, abilities, desires, talents, etc. to be used however He deems necessary. Paul tells Christians that this is how you truly give worth or worship to God. Paul follows in verse 2 with the "how to" guide. We are to change our minds, what we think about. flee from the evil desires of this world and cling to the awe inspiring God of the Bible, then we will be able to approve of God's will, His good, pleasing, and perfect will.

To answer my own question " What does the World need?" I would have to answer: Jesus! Then that answer must be quickly followed up by Christians making Jesus glory known in all the earth. Which happens when we forget about ourselves and begin meeting the needs of others.these are my thoughts what are yours?